I have 3 phones, a base phone that is plugged in, and two cordless phones, all in this fairly tiny apartment. The phones all have names. The names are entered and always visible on the phones. The base phone is named Sideshow Bob. The two cordless phones are called Homer and Apu.
Today as always I had no balance when in the bathroom for my usual hourly number one visit. I try not to travel in this place anywhere without Homer or Apu. Apu was in my shirt pocket. I had just ended my visit and reached down to very shakily grab the flush lever when Apu fell out of my pocket. Still, there was hope. Apu hit the bathroom counter and started into a spin that would have been highly rated in figure skating... but this was not figure skating. I reached over with my left hand to grab Apu. My left side is daily losing strength and coordination. I tried to grab Apu. Apu slipped from my grasp like a bar of soap. Apu flew up in the air and landed on the toilet paper. Apu bounced like he had been shot from a cannon. I lost my balance and slipped. I watched now in surreal horror as Apu smacked into the wall, landed on the back of the toilet and proceeded to do three more perfect spins. Then helplessly I watched Apu slowly slide off the back of the toilet and pull off a perfect dive into the yellow water of the porcelain swimming hole. I could not have duplicated this scene in the next 50 days. Of course, with my good right hand I reached in to pull him out. Now I have to spend the next five minutes washing my hands, and then thought it wise to rinse and clean Apu as well. Well, Apu died in a very few minutes.
I grabbed Homer the other phone so he would not be witness to this horrific crime. I plugged Apu in, as you never know. About an hour later, I returned to dispose of Apus body. I found Apu alive and shining brightly, I guess he just needed to dry out.
Now, the happy trio of Homer, Apu, and Sideshow Bob are all reunited
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